In the days that followed our loss, it was pretty easy to cope. After all, we had Christmas to look forward to, going home to be with our families, nieces and nephews to hug and kiss and play with, food to eat, and two weeks to be away from real life.
We are back. No more family. No more nieces and nephews. No more moms and dads and sisters and brothers and being surrounded by people all the time. Real life sucks.
Church today was hard. I avoided making eye contact with anyone. I sat with the youth during sacrament, I talked with the youth between class changes, and then we headed home. It was just too much and I wasn't ready.
It's hard to talk about my feelings, it is hard to write my feelings, and honestly I don't even know what I feel. Sad. Mad. Anxious. Worried. Alone. Suffocated. Tired. Can't sleep. What on earth do I do now. Egh. EGH.
Isaac goes back to work/school tomorrow. That means tomorrow is my first day at home. Alone. All by myself. All day long. I think a fair amount of money might be spent, sorry in advance, honey.
This week I will begin answering all the emails and letters and comments we've recieved. They have meant more to us than you will ever know; they bring us hope and comfort and peace. We can feel your love and support and concern, and I want to thank each of you individually.
Hang in there, tiger. (That's a little pep-talk to myself.)
13 comments:
I was going to email you tonight and see how you were doing. I knew going home would be the hardest part of all this. We sure miss you guys. We loved having you as much as we did! I too, wish you were still here. Sleeping in until 9:30 was TOTALLY AWESOME! No more of that for me starting tomorrow. Back to school, schedules, and realy life I guess. Real life kind of sucks sometimes. Our house flooded last night. Such a mess. Welcome 2009! Just know that we are all still thinking about you. Praying for you. Mourning with you. We love you both so much. Hang in there. A miracle is on the way. I just know it. Of course nothing will replace little Kaitlyn, but it will soften the hurt, I promise. I am home this whole week. Please call me if you need to talk, cry, laugh, whatever.
Love you
Kati
I love you Sara! I wish you were still here! I didn't get to talk to you enough! Let me know if I can do anything for you- like get on a plane and come visit?:)How I wish I could! I'll start saving my pennies!
Love ya tons!
want visitors? or not yet?
It's good to hear from you. I've been thinking about you a lot! LOVE YOU!!!
We love you guys and are there for you! Don't worry about replying to our e-mail if you don't want to. Just know that we are here for you anytime you need to talk. Just know you are "truly great".
Prayers are still coming your way from us...
I love you Sara!! My prayers are most definitely still with you and Isaac! I pray that our Savior's comforting power will embrace you and you will continue to feel His love! Oh, how my heart aches for you... I know a little bit how it feels to loose someone you love. Take care, my friend, and remember that you are loved by many!
I've been checking your blog everyday to hear how you are doing. I don't even know what to say except that there are still a lot of people thinking, crying, and praying for you!
I have thought about you guys so many times over the holidays. I am glad that you had some down time with your families. And Sara, I hope your first day alone isn't going as bad as you thought it might. Man, this sucks. I'm so sorry. We'll keep praying for you. Take care of yourselves.
YOU'RE IN OUR THOUGHT AND PRAYERS... I THINK IT'S YOUR TURN FOR A MIRACLE, CAN SOMEONE SEND A MESSAGE:) MUCH LOVE, HANG IN THERE!
I know you don't know me, but I just had to tell you that ever since I came across your blog last week, I haven't been able to get you and your story out of my mind and heart. I have prayed for all of you. We are in the early stages of adopting. My heart totally goes out to you. I feel so emotionally involved already - even though we're just beginning the process. It physically hurts to read your posts and see the pictures...but I hope and pray that you will be able to find peace - some where, some how.
Best of luck,
Juliann
i love you! and fyi every night you guys are in our prayers. please let this be the year.
Sara, I don't know if you even remember me Kelli Sargent Now a Cox. Ya It's been a long time. I found your page from Marci and Sam's. Anyway I wanted you to know your in my prayers and I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can't even imagine. I hope you don't mind me checking your blog out and I added your Adopt page to my sites. I pray that things will get better for you guys and you will recieve a sweet spirit once again. Kelli
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