our christmas miracle

One year ago today, I was scared out of my mind. We had lost baby Kate two short weeks before, and here were were, walking into a restaurant in St. George to meet another woman who held my future in her hands (or uterus). Arlianne and her mom were sitting at a table right inside the door and we hugged each of them before sitting down. Arlianne's mom asked us if we had been able to sleep at all that night, because she hadn't caught a wink.

We all ordered hot chocolate, which I drank, and food, which I didn't eat. Here I was, beaten and close to broken, and putting my heart on the line yet again. But we hoped and believed that this time it was going to be different. Arlianne was amazing, mature, and honest. Her mom was supportive. We asked if the whole family knew of Arlianne's plans for the baby and how they felt; we were assured that we were not getting ourselves into another bad situation.

Arlianne's mom gave us a beautiful card and a scrapbook for the baby's school work. Arlianne gave us a picture frame and a Willow Tree figure, "New Life". Over the years of trying to add to our family, I always told Isaac that as soon as we had a baby, we were going to get that "New Life" figure. It had always been in the back of my mind, but when we were given Kate, I didn't even think of it. And now, here was Arlianne, giving me the celebratory figure that I had waited so long for.

This time it was going to be different. This time it was going to be wonderful, beautiful.

After talking for a few hours, we headed over to the doctor's office for the ultrasound. As we waited for the doctor, Arlianne asked us what we would name the baby. We gave our top choices for both a boy and girl, though in my heart I just knew it was a girl.

Then, as we all looked on, the doctor informed us that he was 98 percent sure it was a girl! Arlianne's mom kissed her on the forehead, then embraced us. We all cried and hugged and darn-near shouted for joy. A darling, perfect, baby girl.

I cannot contain my tears as I remember how hard life was a year ago. And I will never forget the feeling of awe when we were given a Christmas miracle: a blinking heartbeat of hope and light at the end of our tunnel.